I was on my facebook page and one of my friends status was 'happy wearing black day' LOL and I thought about that. Why do I celebrate Valentines Day? Why! What has been instilled in me since birth that I had to expect something this day. And believe me when I did not get anything, I was DEPRESSED! Now That's just stupid!
It's also a little crazy(I don't want to say stupid) to do something just because it's Valentines Day. I'm going to have sex b/c it's Valentines Day. Or I need someone because it's Valentines Day. These are all myths folks! My best Valentine day ever, EVER was driving my friend to Chemotherapy and just sitting there with her. And when I tell people that they are like shocked and expect it to be a sad story or bad thing. But for me that day, that particular Valentines day, I didn't think about myself, what I was getting, who I was with or anything. My friend said she needed a driver and I'm a driver point blank!
Maybe we should re-invent this holiday that has been forced on us since birth. Maybe we should do unselfish acts on February 14th. Oh how the world would change! If we stop thinking that we have to be happy on this day, we have to have someone this day, then a lot of WOMEN maybe some men would be much happier. Because they are not focusing on THEM! Not comparing themselves to their friends, not focus on loneliness!
Something to think about, even for me!
Monday, February 15, 2010
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Everyone's doin it!
Is everyone doin it? I really doubt that! I know at least 2x people that are not 'doin it' and I'm sure I know more especially since my church has 20 thousand people and they are suppose to really be SAVED & SANCTIFIED! LOL LOL So I'm wondering if everyone's doing it where does that leave the girl or boy that doesn't want to you know 'do it'. Are the youth pressured by this idea that they have to do what everyone else does? You don't know you! Everybody will not be there for you in 10 years, not even 10 days!
Now I'm a Christian but I have never been, I repeat NEVER been abstinent. Oh I'm serious. Never. I've never not had anyone. Since I first started this thing called sex at 14, I may have had months of breaks. Or brief periods without the prize 'boyfriend' on my shoulder or in my belt (when he wasn't with his other girls!). I actually rejoiced when I got married because finally I could stop fighting to be abstinent! So I'm not the one to preach abstinence to you. I never conquered that particular obstacle. But I am living proof of peer pressure and the 'everyone's doin it' thought. And that is not a reason to have sex! It's not a reason to do anything! The human mind absorbs so much and just push things to the back only to have it all come up at a later date. So yeah, now everyone's doin it and you want to do it too but at 25 you can't figure out why you keep ending up in bad relationships with the same guy. You don't know why you on abortion number 3 and kid number 4.
I smoked weed b/c all my friends did. I think it took me a year of saying no in college before I cracked b/c everyone was doing it. Then next thing you know I'm like a weed head going in to the boy dorm buying weed. Hooked for like 5 years until one day I was smoking w/ this guy from some small town in Louisiana and I had a whole scene in my head of me being a crack head and stuck in this town and crying in the middle of the street for my then X boyfriend (who was an ass anyway). So yeah! Everyone's doin it but sometimes it's not worth it! 'It ain't worth it Miss Ceily, It ain't worth it' LOL
Be you! And do things because you want too not because you want to keep someone or you want to fit in. If they can't accept you for having your own mind then they don't deserve you! In no shape or form!
Also.. If you can be abstinent, I say do it! I think it would be TOTALLY AWESOME to have sex for the first time when you're married to someone! I didn't do it that way but I'm thinking about seeing if the hubby would try it. (what do you think?) LOL yeah right!
Now I'm a Christian but I have never been, I repeat NEVER been abstinent. Oh I'm serious. Never. I've never not had anyone. Since I first started this thing called sex at 14, I may have had months of breaks. Or brief periods without the prize 'boyfriend' on my shoulder or in my belt (when he wasn't with his other girls!). I actually rejoiced when I got married because finally I could stop fighting to be abstinent! So I'm not the one to preach abstinence to you. I never conquered that particular obstacle. But I am living proof of peer pressure and the 'everyone's doin it' thought. And that is not a reason to have sex! It's not a reason to do anything! The human mind absorbs so much and just push things to the back only to have it all come up at a later date. So yeah, now everyone's doin it and you want to do it too but at 25 you can't figure out why you keep ending up in bad relationships with the same guy. You don't know why you on abortion number 3 and kid number 4.
I smoked weed b/c all my friends did. I think it took me a year of saying no in college before I cracked b/c everyone was doing it. Then next thing you know I'm like a weed head going in to the boy dorm buying weed. Hooked for like 5 years until one day I was smoking w/ this guy from some small town in Louisiana and I had a whole scene in my head of me being a crack head and stuck in this town and crying in the middle of the street for my then X boyfriend (who was an ass anyway). So yeah! Everyone's doin it but sometimes it's not worth it! 'It ain't worth it Miss Ceily, It ain't worth it' LOL
Be you! And do things because you want too not because you want to keep someone or you want to fit in. If they can't accept you for having your own mind then they don't deserve you! In no shape or form!
Also.. If you can be abstinent, I say do it! I think it would be TOTALLY AWESOME to have sex for the first time when you're married to someone! I didn't do it that way but I'm thinking about seeing if the hubby would try it. (what do you think?) LOL yeah right!
Monday, February 8, 2010
Random things that just piss me off!
I don't have any wisdom for you all today! I'm just a little pissed about things. And I can't get all into it on a public blog but some ppl are just straight fuc*** up! First I want to talk about family, yes, family. How can people be born together, raised together, have the same mother but still will not help each other out. Why are people so shallow and heartless and self centered? I'm not like that. I don't know how to be. WHY?! Oh how I wish I was! But then who would I be? It's rough out here yall. People are only out for themselves and money. They don't think of others, they don't help those in needs. We are all selfish human beings, trying to show off how much money we have, and how better off I am than you. Now I stopped that long time ago simply because I found that I could not keep up with the Jones's! I can only be me.
I also want to talk about trusting someone. At what age is the right time to trust somebody whether it's sexual or platonic. When do you know this is my friend or this is my boyfriend or girlfriend? I always remember what Oprah said one time 'When a person shows you who they really are the 1st time! You better believe them' That has always been true for me and someone needs to think about that.
I have ranted enough! I'm sure I can rant on and on but I have to get to work in the morning! So until next time! Try not to be selfish! Try to love with your whole heart. Yall I use to have a large family and now they are scattered in pieces because of mess. And now I feel alone in a crowded room sometime. So don't think of just yourself but think of others!
I also want to talk about trusting someone. At what age is the right time to trust somebody whether it's sexual or platonic. When do you know this is my friend or this is my boyfriend or girlfriend? I always remember what Oprah said one time 'When a person shows you who they really are the 1st time! You better believe them' That has always been true for me and someone needs to think about that.
I have ranted enough! I'm sure I can rant on and on but I have to get to work in the morning! So until next time! Try not to be selfish! Try to love with your whole heart. Yall I use to have a large family and now they are scattered in pieces because of mess. And now I feel alone in a crowded room sometime. So don't think of just yourself but think of others!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
The Perfect Life
Have you ever had a smile plastered on your face but in the inside you feel like a bottomless pit. It's like a black hole is consuming you and it just wont stop growing. But you still have that smile, you laugh, you go out, you continue with your day to day routine. And everyone thinks your PERFECT! AMAZING! You're sooo strong! And you smile but inside you don't want their approval, you don't want them to see that you are strong, you want somebody to see that you are hurting! That your smile is a LIE! Your life is a LIE! You one step away from falling off the edge and the only thing stopping you from jumping is....? God? Family? You? There's something in you telling you not to go there that you can do it! That if you stay the course, if you take the beating that somewhere, one day it will be worth it. But when? When? And how long must I be in pain! How long shall I feel this hole inside of me growing and it feels like it will take me over.
I know a little bit about depression and mental illness. I know something about 'The Perfect Life' and smiling all the time! Because that's what I did for years & do, I'm not fully recovered. But day by day I get better and I'm being more honest now with people letting them know 'Hey I'm not PERFECT'. I'm hurting, I'm bleeding inside but outside I'm smiling. Some of you may or may not be religious but I was listening to Joyce Meyers and she said some of us just work & work and do things for everyone and pull ourselves in a million different pieces and someone ask you 'How do you do it?' And you give them some excuse 'Oh I'm blessed and Highly Favored' but what you want to say is.. 'I'M KILLING MYSELF!, I'M MISERABLE, I CAN'T SLEEP, I'M KILLING MYSELF THAT'S HOW I DO IT'. And that's how I feel. It's how I feel sometime, not how I use to feel! I feel it today, now. I'm one of those people that can't say no, I have that mindset 'HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!' LOL But I can't save every day, you can't save everyday.
There is no perfect person BUT Jesus! (sorry none believers but that's how I roll, you can go a different way but HE is it for me!) Without HIM and the people I love I would have stepped off the edge along time ago and just given up on life but I'm still here. I'm still here! And so are you! So together let's strive for 'The Perfect Life'.
I know a little bit about depression and mental illness. I know something about 'The Perfect Life' and smiling all the time! Because that's what I did for years & do, I'm not fully recovered. But day by day I get better and I'm being more honest now with people letting them know 'Hey I'm not PERFECT'. I'm hurting, I'm bleeding inside but outside I'm smiling. Some of you may or may not be religious but I was listening to Joyce Meyers and she said some of us just work & work and do things for everyone and pull ourselves in a million different pieces and someone ask you 'How do you do it?' And you give them some excuse 'Oh I'm blessed and Highly Favored' but what you want to say is.. 'I'M KILLING MYSELF!, I'M MISERABLE, I CAN'T SLEEP, I'M KILLING MYSELF THAT'S HOW I DO IT'. And that's how I feel. It's how I feel sometime, not how I use to feel! I feel it today, now. I'm one of those people that can't say no, I have that mindset 'HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!' LOL But I can't save every day, you can't save everyday.
There is no perfect person BUT Jesus! (sorry none believers but that's how I roll, you can go a different way but HE is it for me!) Without HIM and the people I love I would have stepped off the edge along time ago and just given up on life but I'm still here. I'm still here! And so are you! So together let's strive for 'The Perfect Life'.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Young & Having Sex
I am older now but sometime ago I was young. And I wanted to be something I never was meant to be by some ppl, liked, accepted, admired. Everyone is not going to like you, they are not going to like your decisions but who cares about them. But when you are a teen you don't think about that, you just want to be popular and you will go far to achieve it.
Which is what I did. Which is what most girls do. They dress slutty thinking they could get attention, they have sex with guys to early. For me and this may not be the case for everyone but for me sex was nothing when I was young. It was nothing for a very long time. No feeling but what was it that kept me saying yes? What allowed me to show these faceless boys an intimate part of me that just anybody should not be allowed to know. Sex is Serious! But no one wants to face that, we treat it like nothing. Like taking a nice short walk and calling it a day. It's NOT. When you have sex with someone, you are opening up a part of yourself almost like an open wound that you are allowing infections to get in. (WOW) And sometime you don't notice that it is infecting you, hurting you, will potentially come out in ways that you can't imagine in your teen years. I never thought that one day I would be in therapy crying about all the guys I had sex with, at the altar year after year, day after day asking God why did I have sex with so many people after a bad break up by the guy I thought would love me forever.
So I could go on and on. And I can say don't have sex until you're married. But maybe somewhere out there some teenager is having great sex! And they are all into this person but are you ready for a baby? An STD? Do you know who the other person is having sex with. It's really different for girls than boys! It really is! Think of it like this.. A boy can simply pull it out not get undressed get inside of you while still wearing his pants and no one will really know what's going on. But a girl, woman, young lady has to literally expose herself, take off her panties, pull down her pants, lift up her skirt, wear a skirt! You have to expose yourself apart of you that should only be seen by a man that loves you no matter what. Not some random guy who may or may not be there when you wake up. Who has another girl and you know about it and deal with just because you want to keep him.
We have to care about ourselves first before anyone else cares about us. We have to respect ourselves first before anyone else does. Oh How I wish I could read this when I was 14. It would have saved me, from looking for something that those guys could not give me in no shape or form, It would have saved me money on therapy, and maybe just maybe I would have noticed that my husband was awesome sooner! But who does things the easy way.
I'm just saying! And I hope it helps someone.
Which is what I did. Which is what most girls do. They dress slutty thinking they could get attention, they have sex with guys to early. For me and this may not be the case for everyone but for me sex was nothing when I was young. It was nothing for a very long time. No feeling but what was it that kept me saying yes? What allowed me to show these faceless boys an intimate part of me that just anybody should not be allowed to know. Sex is Serious! But no one wants to face that, we treat it like nothing. Like taking a nice short walk and calling it a day. It's NOT. When you have sex with someone, you are opening up a part of yourself almost like an open wound that you are allowing infections to get in. (WOW) And sometime you don't notice that it is infecting you, hurting you, will potentially come out in ways that you can't imagine in your teen years. I never thought that one day I would be in therapy crying about all the guys I had sex with, at the altar year after year, day after day asking God why did I have sex with so many people after a bad break up by the guy I thought would love me forever.
So I could go on and on. And I can say don't have sex until you're married. But maybe somewhere out there some teenager is having great sex! And they are all into this person but are you ready for a baby? An STD? Do you know who the other person is having sex with. It's really different for girls than boys! It really is! Think of it like this.. A boy can simply pull it out not get undressed get inside of you while still wearing his pants and no one will really know what's going on. But a girl, woman, young lady has to literally expose herself, take off her panties, pull down her pants, lift up her skirt, wear a skirt! You have to expose yourself apart of you that should only be seen by a man that loves you no matter what. Not some random guy who may or may not be there when you wake up. Who has another girl and you know about it and deal with just because you want to keep him.
We have to care about ourselves first before anyone else cares about us. We have to respect ourselves first before anyone else does. Oh How I wish I could read this when I was 14. It would have saved me, from looking for something that those guys could not give me in no shape or form, It would have saved me money on therapy, and maybe just maybe I would have noticed that my husband was awesome sooner! But who does things the easy way.
I'm just saying! And I hope it helps someone.
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